What were you created to do? and Why aren't you doing it?Why these questions can be applied on many different levels, I've found myself pondering them over the past few days in reference to my role as a musician and piano teacher.
What is it that gives our lives meaning? What is it that we find provides that sense of passion and purpose that is so important to our identity as human beings? If we don't find the answers to those most basic questions, we'll most likely find ourselves floundering through life with no anchor on which to stake our identity.
When I look back on my life, there are many threads that make up the tapestry of who I am as a person. Some of those threads have woven in and out of my life over the years. But one thread that has been a constant since my earliest years has been that of music. I begged my mom to start piano lessons at 3 years of age. I learned to read music just after learning to read, making musical language just as much a part of my identity as the written language.
I was always involved in some kind of musical activity as a child, whether it be choral or drama activities, piano lessons, performances, or recitals, or accompanist opportunities. Music and I went hand in hand- we were inseparable.
Now as an adult who both teaches and performs music, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that music was what I was created to do. I get so much joy from teaching music and from sharing my music with others that I can't imagine spending my life doing anything else.
And yet...there are obstacles. The second question, the accusing why aren't you doing it? has more of a hold on me than I'd like to admit.
As musicians, our home turf is under the spotlight. While we may not feel that way all the time, each week as I teach I am, in a sense, a performer. When I play for services on Sunday or at a wedding, I am a performer. Whatever I do as a musician, my work involves some type of performance, whether it be in front of a crowd or in my home studio with just one child. That can be intimidating and daunting, especially for one who also battles with low self-esteem and a sense of never being good enough. It can seem so natural to fall into the trap of constantly evaluating our performance and comparing ourselves to others. Other teachers who do it better, have larger studios, more teaching experience, higher credentials. Other performers who have more talent, a better stage presence, flashier repertoire.
Those comparisons can paralyze us and lead us to create a million excuses to answer the question why aren't you doing it?
I was challenged by those two questions to take an honest look at myself as a musician. No, I may not be the most highly qualified, talented, experienced performer or teacher on the block, but I know that I have been created to 'do' music, and allowing myself to fall back on excuses rather than getting out there and doing it is when the real failure occurs.
I'd challenge you to examine those two questions for yourself:
What were you created to do? How do you know that music is your calling, that you were born to be a musician?
Why aren't you doing it?What is it that holds you back from your true potential as a musician? Fear? Feelings of inadequacy?Don't let pitfalls stop you from reaching your potential! Get out there and embrace what you were created to be!
I recently came across your website and read several of your blog entries. As a church pianist and piano teacher, with a strong interest in classical music, I related to the concerns you brought up.
ReplyDeleteI too have pondered many of the questions you raise here. What was I created to do? All my life I have believed I was created to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, that I might know God. Within that framework, I have several interests, one being piano. I can't honestly say that I live for piano, or that it's at the top of my list, but it has always been very important to me and a very integral part of my life. I began lessons at age 9, began playing in church in sixth grade, and began teaching at age 16 (I am now 60).
You said, "That can be intimidating and daunting, especially for one who also battles with low self-esteem and a sense of never being good enough." I too struggled with such feelings as a child and young person.
And, "It can seem so natural to fall into the trap of constantly evaluating our performance and comparing ourselves to others. Other teachers who do it better, have larger studios, more teaching experience, higher credentials. Other performers who have more talent, a better stage presence, flashier repertoire." I struggled with these feelings longer than I did the first quote. Fortunately, I came to terms with them and no longer feel guilt and inadequacy. I thank God for what ability He has given me and strive to do my best, in playing and teaching.
Another feeling I struggled with was a dislike of playing in front of others, and actual fear--"stagefright." Only maybe 15 years ago did this lessen, although I still get nervous. I hate performing--I much prefer to play at home with no one around. When I play for church, whether a prelude or offertory, whether accompanying hymn singing or vocal or instrumental soloist, I do not see myself as a performer. I am not there to draw attention to myself but to help glorify God with music. Focusing on this has helped me deal with my fear and nervousness.
So as far as the second question, "Why aren't you doing it?", I believe I AM doing what God has called me to do, as I strive to know Him better and be diligent with the opportunities and interests He has given me. I try to balance and pursue my interests in family, church, horses, writing, and studying and teaching the Bible (while also substitute teaching), as you can see by my three websites: jansbiblenotes.com, janyoungauthor.com, jackyoungclinics.com. Thank you for the opportunity to share these common concerns. I have mostly lived in a rural area with little contact or interaction with other pianists or teachers. So I found it interesting that many of your thoughts and feelings paralleled mine.
Jan- Thank you so much for your insightful comments. It was a real blessing to me to know that there are other musicians out there who have struggled with these same issues. I know that God uses us and our life experiences to encourage others- and you've been a HUGE encouragement to me.
ReplyDeleteAs I continue to perform and teach, what I keep coming back to is the belief that this IS what God has called me to do with my life. I have received confirmation of that fact many times over the years, and whenever I hit a low spot I try to recall those times to mind to help regain the right perspective.
It was a pleasure to hear from you- and I hope that you'll continue to experience God's blessings on the many callings He has placed in your life.